But me, I’m not giving up.
I’m sticking around to see what God will do.
I’m waiting for God to make things right.
I’m counting on God to listen to me.
– The Message
“Thank you” is completely inadequate, but I want you all to know how much your prayers, love, and support have meant to me and mine this week. Last week in this post I mentioned, very briefly, that I’ve been dealing with some health issues and wanted to fill you in a little more about that. (If you didn’t read that last post, go catch up or this one won’t make much sense!) Here’s the cliff notes version:
For a few months I’ve had numbness/tingling/pain in my hands and legs, headaches, and extreme fatigue. So my general practitioner referred me to a neurologist who, after a series of tests, (including one that showed I don’t have much feeling in my feet) said she wanted me to have a brain scan. That scan was Tuesday afternoon. On Wednesday we went back for her to read the results, and she said there was a spot on my brain that concerned her. She mentioned a specific incurable disease (which was my fear from the very beginning – Web MD is bad… so bad.) She wanted a neck scan immediately, and told us that if the neck scan showed spots it was most likely that disease, but if it was clear then the spot on the brain was probably inflammation and could be treated easily. So Wednesday afternoon I had the neck scan, and the whole time I laid in the tube I cried and begged God for the scan to be clear. The technician told me not to swallow hard or the images would be blurry. Clearly she has never experienced a potentially life altering medical issue. 🙂 That night we prayed specifically that the scan would be clear, then we called, messaged, and emailed friends and family who we knew would intercede for us. And they started asking for clear scans too. But they also prayed for peace and rest (two things we hadn’t even thought of). And that night Anderson and I slept better than we have in weeks and Thursday I felt an overwhelming sense of peace all day. Today I woke up praising God and thanking him for this trial that has allowed us to grow closer as a family and closer to him in ways we never would have otherwise. He’s growing us and changing us, and that’s never easy.
But don’t get me wrong. I’ve also had moments of total fear and FREAKING OUT this week. At one point I was standing in my kitchen with my Mom (who somehow found excuses to be at our house all week) and just broke down and yelled, “Mom, I’m so pissed! Why is all of this happening at once?” And she just cried with me. This has been one of the hardest months of my life, but God has been faithful every day. He’s given me strength for each day. Then the next day he did it all over again. So when the doctor called today I wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but I knew God would be faithful no matter what.
The doctor finally called today and immediately told me and Anderson, “The scan was clear!” Right then we started thanking God for answering our prayers, and we haven’t stopped yet. The best part was calling and messaging all the people who had been begging God on our behalf and telling them “HE HEARD US! AND HE ANSWERED!” My Dad and I just cried on the phone. I think I might have heard him say, “Thank you Jesus,” but that’s about it. This week has been an emotional roller coaster, but tonight I’m overwhelmed with gratefulness for friends and family who are willing to stand with me and for a faithful God who hears and answers!
Oh, and on the plus side, since my feet are numb I can wear really uncomfortable shoes and today when I cut a chunk out of my toe I barley felt it. Always a bright side. 🙂
PS – We still have to figure out what is causing my symptoms, and that will mean more tests. But we’ll worry about that next week!