Love and Marriage

Over the weekend I had the privilege of speaking at a bridal shower for a girl I’ve known since she was born. It was an honor, but I have to admit that I felt a little intimidated/unqualified to be talking to a room full of women about marriage advice. Looking around that room, I realized that there was a lot of wisdom represented. And I knew that the bride-to-be and I could both learn from most of those ladies! So I decided to just share from my heart a few things I’ve learned/am learning from the last (almost) 7 years of marriage.

Anderson asked me later what I talked about, and as I told him he kept saying, “That’s really good.” I don’t know if he was shocked or what! But then he told me I should share it here on the blog. At first I was hesitant, but then thought, “Why not?!” So here goes.

Proverbs 31:10-12
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

1.) Pray for your husband.
Everyday. All day. And tell him you pray for him. There’s nothing like knowing your partner is praying for you!

“A wife’s prayers for her husband have far greater effect on him than anyone else’s, even his mother’s. A mother’s prayers are certainly fervent. But when a man marries, he leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife. They are a team.” – The Power of a Praying Wife

– Thank God for him. Even when you don’t feel like it!
– Pray for his physical protection.
– Ask God to give your husband a hunger for the Word. The bottom line is this: if his relationship with God is what it should be, his relationship with you will be what it should be.
– Ask God to help him to excel at his work.
– Pray for God to protect him from temptation. There’s a good chance that you will be the only person specifically praying this for your husband. Don’t take it lightly!
– When u get mad at him, talk to Jesus about it. Before we got married my Grandma gave me some good advice. She said, “When you get upset with Anderson. Make sure you talk to the right person about it. You can’t change him. Your Mom can’t change him. Neither can your friends. But Jesus can. So just talk to him about it!” Sometimes I forget this and complain to my Mom about something Anderson has done. She always reminds me to pray about it!

2.) Make sure your husband is your best friend.
Talk to him about everything. When you get good news and can’t wait to tell someone, make him your first phone call! Accept him for who he is. He’s different from you, and that’s what attracted you to him in the first place. When we first got married I realized how different Anderson and I were. He’s a Latino stereotype – loud, always excited, ready for a party, and chronically late. I’m more of a one-level person. People are like, “Are you excited? Are you happy? What are you?!” Because I’m pretty even all the time. So Anderson freaked me out a little. I was like SLOW DOWN and come down a little closer to my level! But over the last 7 years I’ve learned to love those things about him. He makes life exciting! And I’ve become so laid-back it’s crazy!

Another way to develop that friendship is to find your “we” activities. What the heck does that mean? Here’s an example: I love thrift store shopping LOVE IT! Anderson doesn’t share that love. But WE? Oh, WE love it. So he goes with me sometimes. Not all the time. Frankly that might ruin the experience for me! And on the flip-side, Anderson loves soccer. It’s basically in his blood. I’m bored to napping by it. But WE? WE love it. So we go to games sometimes, or I’ll go watch him play.

3. Make your home a fun place.
As a wife you will (in a lot of ways) set the tone of your home. Laugh a lot. After a long day your home needs to be a place of rest, relaxation, and fun.

Proverbs 21:9
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

Don’t make your man wish he lived in the corner of a creepy attic somewhere! Be spontaneous sometimes. Eat ice cream for dinner. Who cares?! It’s your home. You make the rules now! Life can be stressful. Home doesn’t have to be.

4.) Find a good church and get so involved that they get sick of seeing your faces.
The girl I was talking to is marrying a military guy, so I asked a friend who is a Navy wife what she would share with a nearlywed/newlywed walking that same path. This is from her: You will need a church community when he deploys. They will become your family! Get involved in a support group or Bible study for military wives. Those women will be able to relate to you perfectly. Share your struggles with them!

5.) The most important thing is just to decide from the beginning, before you walk down the aisle if possible, that Jesus is going to be the most important person in your home. If you and your husband do that, you are going to have the BEST adventure. Because when you’re following Jesus you never know what’s going to happen, but that’s what makes it fun!

And then after the shower I texted these to her. A few little gems to make that first year an easier transition. 🙂

– Lots of sex!
– Cook a meal every now and then.
– If you can’t cook, cook naked. He won’t care how bad the food tastes!*

*Of course these are just things I’ve been told. I can’t speak for the validity. 🙂