I’m a restless waiter.
I don’t know if it’s a lack of patience or a lack of faith, but I have a hard time waiting on God. I’d rather take matters into my own hands. To get the ball rolling and start making plans then ask him to come along and bless them. Why should I wait for him when I can solve my own problems?
But that’s when I get myself into a big ‘ole mess. I forget his promises to me and start trading his plans for mine.
You’ve been there, right? Waiting on something – a promotion, a proposal, a clean health report, a baby, a restored relationship. We all have God-given dreams and desires, and it’s so hard when we don’t see them fulfilled quickly. Instead of waiting for God we try to figure it out ourselves. Are we control freaks or what?! See how it’s we now and not me? Yep. I pulled you right into this with me!
Now that Kingston has started kindergarten I find myself in a weird place. I’m sort of a stay-at-home mom with no kid at home. And I’m finding that, “What do you DO all day?” is a totally valid question for this stage! I’m about to lose my mind up in here. I talked in this post about how I never planned to be a “stay at home” anything. I like working, but God told me to stay home with Kingston last year, so here I am. And honestly, I’ve LOVED being at home with him. (Not that we’ve actually stayed home much, but you know what I mean!) We really got into a good groove and have had a lot of fun, and I’ve also been able to work on my business while he was at preschool. Sort of the best of both worlds! But now that he’s in school all day I’m ready to move on. The problem is that I’m not sure what I’m supposed to move on to.
Do I take this time and put more energy into my photography business? Maybe try advertising and marketing it for the first time ever? In the past I’ve never really had time to take on more clients, but now I can! Do I find a part-time job doing social media/writing/graphic design/photography? Do I want to work for a church again? I love being in an office, collaborating with a creative group, and accomplishing goals that really matter in an eternal sense, so my heart is always inclined towards ministry work.
Anderson and I laugh a lot right now about the flow of my days. When he asks me what I did on a particular day, I like to say things like, “Oh, you know, I went to the post office!” “Laundry!” “Watched Real Housewives while I edited some pictures!” And while he continues looking at me expectantly, his eyes saying “Annnnnd?” I just turn around and move on to something else like that’s it. Then we both die laughing. It’s funny, because it’s a weird departure for me, and it’s funny because it has to be. I have to keep a good attitude right now, or I’ll go more crazy than I already am!
The other night we were talking about my unpaid sabbatical and Anderson said, “Just take your time figuring it out. Enjoy this time!” And then a good friend told me,”Be careful who and what you give your time to right now.” So good, right? Because I’m so tempted to fill every minute of every day with unimportant stuff and to take the first opportunity that comes along, just to be busy.
But God is teaching me to wait on him.
I know that he has something around the corner that perfectly aligns with the talents and passions he’s given me. And if I jump at the first thing that comes my way, I’ll probably be too busy to see it or not in the position to grab onto it.
I keep thinking about Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Remember her? Talk about a restless waiter. God promised Abraham “I will make of you a great nation.” He told him that his descendants would be like the stars, too many to count. But Sarah got tired of waiting on God. (And I TOTALLY don’t judge her here. She’s old and still hasn’t had a baby.) And she decided to “help” move things along. So she gave her servant, Hagar, to Abraham, so she would get pregnant. That’s logical, right? But then Hagar starts disrespecting Sarah and the whole thing blows up. You didn’t see that coming did you? Instead of waiting for God to fulfill his promise, Sarah took control and made a huge mess. I don’t want to be like Sarah. But you know what I love about her story? God kept his promise to her. Despite her lack of faith and the mess she made (maybe even through the mess she made?) God kept his word and through her family, Jesus was born! Even when we screw it all up, he is faithful.
One of my prayers during this time is that I will be faithful in the waiting. And I’ve asked God to open the doors he wants me to walk through, and to slam shut the ones he doesn’t. Really hard. And maybe even squish my fingers in a few of the doors, so I’ll remember not to try opening them again!
If you’re waiting on God right now, know this: He sees and he knows. And our obedience in this season prepares us for what he has for us in the next.
Instead of being restless, let’s rest in Him, knowing that his plans are always greater than anything we could ever hope or imagine. And he will come through!
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.